i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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