i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
