my mouth tastes like poor choices
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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