the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
