Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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