I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
