I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm having to shit out rocks
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
