oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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