watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
