we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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