He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
