My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
