maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
