i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
