We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
