I didn't shave. On purpose
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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