apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
