i will never coherently bang her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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