You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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