Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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