dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
