I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
