What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
