I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
