i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
