dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
