No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
