They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
