I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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