im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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