I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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