Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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