: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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