If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
