Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
