I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize