Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
