Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
