considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
