I hate your face
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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