No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
