Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
