I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
zippers are such a cool invention
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize