FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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