You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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