I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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