i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sex in a hospital.. check
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
