when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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