So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
