Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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