She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm having to shit out rocks
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
