Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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