Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
