I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
