Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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