hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize