in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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