Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize