Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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