were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
