I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
