I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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