Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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