i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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