they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
