I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
