We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
