singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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