I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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