false alarm. still invincible.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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