Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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