i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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