I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
